Just came back home from home.

For now signing off on the word…Stoked.

“stoked” – adjective – to be “stoked” is to be completely and intensely enthusiastic, exhilarated, or excited about something; being stoked is the epitome of all being. when one is stoked, there is no limit to what one can do.

-GB-

Unspeakable *whispers in the voice of gollum*

Too many Facebook status messages lately.Almost like an Emo ! *barfs*

There has been thousand things on my mind since couple of weeks..So many changes happened around..and right now i just wish i could write anonymously about everything in minute details but i also wish i could just be me and talk? Wishes. *chuckles*

I came around here to put a little piece here and there and update this place..write about God and me, how i feel he looks over me and smiles when i realize out of nowhere like *shit..so that’s what your plan was..genius?* But i guess hes miffed with me these days..I cant complain i have been nothing but the worst of it..and he threw this dice in-front of me..and am done trying to understand..at-least for now.

So i tried thinking of what all happened all this time i wasn’t updating my blog..and i think id rather talk about right now? I am all intense..been stuffing my phone with music to death..its choking on Adele and Lady gaga *sounds all anguished*..came across Christina Perri while surfing YouTube for Adele..her songs are just perfect in your face creations.

Christina Perri-A Thousand Years

Have been having some productive conversations with friends..came up with couple of GB tales after like 4 years? (The epic closest to real life comic series i named my blog on). Had serious plans to write a book but am back to lost on that matter.Maybe i need to talk to Ed.

Also..My genius brain stumbled upon this beautiful Idea..the moment i take the first step towards it,I would be back here to share..That’s all i can say for now.

BTW,getting out of Delhi tomorrow.Excited about the scenic beauty of national highway.Might come back with some pictures.For now,this is from when i met with Farhan (Saeed) and Saad (Sultan)..jamming before their last concert In Delhi.

PS:18th Come faster will you? <3

Suffocated.

This whole fucking week i just feel like all i think is about others and all i have done was for others..and got 0% appreciation back! Being me it takes loads of courage to do something for someone but a red bell over my head since yesterday is telling me that its time i stop and concentrate back on me..too much have been done.

Came back home yesterday from my mums and i had only slept two hours in past two days..attended a marriage same day..*impossible to dug that one*..got unappreciated for putting so much thought into somemething lil like a birthday gift. *pun?* Turns out the hubby doesnt like ball point pens..i mean do i have to mention that i kept in mind his obsession for pens and its an expensive parker that took 3 weeks to arrive since i had his name personalized on it? All i get back is that he will keep it as a decoration..Fuck with that. God only knows how bad i decided that his next bday am getting him something un-thoughtful like..nothing?

I wanted to vent and post last night so bad but my fingers threatened to fall off and since i cant afford that,i eventually went to sleep around 3 am with every part of my body cursing me for neglection..specially my hair..they dont respond to straightening so well..and sadly for them,I really cant afford to look like a goose while going to a social gathering!

A very important person was hospitalized after a breif seizure last week.It was a looooooooong week stretching between home n hospital visits and some ‘it’ll all be alright’ talks.Its amazing how your perception over someone else’s life takes a turn and you actually feel optimistic and believe that it will all be alright when in your own life you are a pessimistic turd,feeling like a big ball of unsolvable puzzle.Maybe its a balancing technique we humans have that we end up telling everyone else ‘all would be great’ because most of the time you are telling yourself you are doomed. :/

The only good thing that happened came from the only relationship i feel is sorted in my life currently.My adorable father left his almost 30 years old long addiction of tobacco.I feel he just gifted me 10 more years of his uncondition love and his superpowers to somehow understand me the best.This is the only thing that someone did for me.

^ Thats my DaddyBear <3

I know i promised to write about my chemistry with God but i dont feel like such a delight and an inspiration right now.Hope ill be in better spirits next time.

Remember my last post? Ed didn’t take it down too well..but i wouldn’t provide him more importance since i think he has had enough to last him 7 lives..So,moving on..O_o

Going to watch ‘The Ward’..Signing off~

Today is the last day of the first week of this new year..first month, first week and am literally onto a new beginning. I cant disclose what but this new week is beyond any word describing the meaning of important for me. I am jerking off every negativity that’s trying to cling and ignoring all the irrationalities around..just focusing on the earthy smell in the air due to rain lately and the chilly January breeze that is freezing away all the hot anger flashes! I am quite a success at it.

Also, I came back from a short stay at my cousins place..she turned 11 yesterday and i spent the night with her explaining to her why she shouldn’t be mad at me for not being with her like before (i got married). Both of us kept hugging each other like long lost people. She slept with me at night and holding her between my arms has been one the most missed feelings. She told me she doesn’t have friends at school..and i told her how friends are something you cant force anyone to be with you..and true friends eventually find you anyway! She also thinks i should adopt her..But being the first child of her parents am pretty sure that request would go wrong..so am sticking with her being my soul daughter!

Friends..me n some of my online besties have been planning an online reunion of sorts..since we miss our old friends and the time we used to spend together as teenagers on this most happening forum of that era. The forum gave me everything that i have today..and most importantly linked me with my friends..they maybe virtual but are more important and better to me then any face to face friends and blood bonds. The fact that we are still in touch gives me goosebumps..Its been seven years. I just want to scratch n search the ones who were left behind. So,the idea is still on a very infant stage but i am hoping it would work out. We also came up with the most happening name.\m/

Oh! n I got make up gifted to me by this most unrelated relative!! Its lying right in-front of me all brand new and shiny shouting out to me to be used..the good thing is i don’t feel like a giggly blonde saying this but I love makeup..specially new unpacked one!!

That literally sums up the highlights of the week i guess..writing about whats been good only..and then there is stuff that is neither good not even bad so am leaving that hanging..maybe will share later?

Here is a tagged self analysis test that i ‘copied’ from a poet and blogger friend of mine..Ed,who acts gay all the time for no reason whatsoever (had to mention that). Two reasons why i decided to have it on my blog-

1-I couldn’t resist the most naturalistic aura of the test
2-I wanna show Ed how to do it better and not gay it up

If I were a month,Id be December..Icy Cold.

You have the right to remain silent-Word police.

So, I have anger problems and a lot of my time goes in self analysis and management. I met people who claimed to soothe me religiously, and then there was a shrink too. If hugging/clutching on to a stupid stuffed toy didn’t mend my state of life, no therapy ever will.

What almost everybody fails to realize around me is that there have been no therapies invented (as of yet) to prove right from wrong.The nature of my outburst begins in the moment where i feel the extreme existence of this hatred for lies. My way of preaching proves me out to be the antonym of the word saint, but who said only saints or followers of saints have the right to lead a life that is walking on the path of fairness.

There has never been a point where fingers were not pointed at me..simply for the reason i chose to be..hugely for the way i expressed myself..but only recently i found, this one hand pushing me ahead in the chapter of life whenever i was stuck on a comma thinking it was a full-stop. He manages to balance me perfectly and indirectly inspired me to learn the diplomacy that is essential to survive. I have to know everything about what am standing against for..right? I don’t manipulate, I am never diplomatic and i would never be unfair..doesn’t exactly mean that i don’t know how to do all off it.

I have not forgotten how to use the rubber band around my wrist. It was the pain against my skin that made me forget the reason i was angry. Sadly, i have had unimaginable amount of experience when it comes to pain.Being sadistic,it kind of lost the purpose of the whole thing in the end.

This is in the memory of all the people who put me through much, for i fail you every time i self cure my pain.Also, dedicated to the ones who claimed to get me out of it..because only i decide what involves me.

Peace~

1-Cafe Jeevan

A single cup of masala chai that ‘Jeevan cafe’ serves was able to cure my AMS symptoms. Though it lasted till the cup lasted, but isn’t that why we kept going back there?!

Reaching Leh the very first ultimate discovery that hung out with us till the last day on our stay in Ladakh, was a quiet little cafe. A shelf full of glistening book covers, with people who were in Ladakh after traveling thousands of miles just to lay back and the chefs with culinary skills of world class! The cost of the cuisines served was so low that you almost plan to kidnap the cafe back at home.

The cafe happened to be right beside the hotel we decided to stay in the very first day…as pathetic the hotel was I forgive the management for having it built around the area that proved to be the most important part of our trip. Maybe we decided to be at that pathetic place because of the delicious aroma coming out of the cafe that stayed in the air around that area. The food served in the cafe, time and again proved to be a major comforting factor. With zero ability to serve bad food, it’s been mutually decided under a friction of second that it is the best place to eat in Ladakh.

Ultimate.

(Cafe Jeevan, Changspa Road, Leh, Ladakh.)

2-Mustafa Bhai

Our second Ultimate discovery was purely accidental. Our taxi driver Mustafa Bhai. The slowest mind but so affectionate that he ends up setting himself as a fine example for the loving nature of the people from north-east.

We found him Driving down the road when we were looking for a lift down to the main market. While we were merely imagining how to go about it, he happened to have sensed our minds by the perplexed looks on our faces n stopped and offered his services..Boy were we glad about that? He helped us like an angel, got through the queues at the SNM (Sonam Norboo Hospital) when I was down with ear pain. Which was adorable. People like him make you hate yourself and where you belong from. I almost shifted base and bought land in Leh when he showed me some possible residential sights on our way to Alchi. All in good fun.

There are people whom you introduce yourself not thinking you would ever meet again and they just remember your name like it’s the most important thing. His emphasis on the ‘I’ in my name making it more like ‘eee’ pronouncing it as ‘Neeedaaw’ instead of ‘Nida’ was because of his accent but it stays in my mind due to its affectionate sound.

(Mustafa Bhai..The local Taxi Driver in Leh)

3-Spirituality/Religion

Tsemo monastery, Leh , 13000 feet above the ground. The sound of Azaan echoing between the mountains..It felt like that the water that somehow got through the tiny tunnels of your ear and stayed there for a while suddenly popped out..much warmer..you feel cleansed, humble, awakened to the sounds that life is making. Every pore of my body was giving standing ovation to that moment.

A look at the tiny cells that these monks live in could make the very fearless person feel claustrophobic..don’t try imagine the severe cold that they put up with and the tough life completely dedicated to Buddha..They survive at the highest places in the world. And we couldn’t even survive without electricity and without charging our batteries for a single day!

The confluence of both these experiences could also stun you and put you in awe of the ultimate serenity that God has provided us, with the signs he has prevailed upon us that he is certainly the one..creator. The strength he instilled in our souls to follow the path.

4-Mountains

There are different kinds of mountains throughout Ladakh..but the most persistent ones that you start noticing even before you have landed are the infertile looking, never ending,0% vegetation ones. The mountains reminding me of an old man with wrinkles and a beard with the look of immortality on his face..reminding me of Abba (my Granddad) and how he had never ending stories about the things that took place in the past..and I realized I had the same stunned look on my face while looking at them as I used to have when I heard Abba’s stories.

Then comes the mountains that we saw on our way from Leh to Alchi. They looked like they have been placed by aliens. Right from the outer space. Stones kept so precisely that you wonder if there is a supernatural source behind it (God!).Purple streams were flowing like blood -gushing veins..dark stones sitting as freckles on a face. Almost a personality.

There are also the rarely seen young fertile ones, greener..having less stories to tell..Inexperienced compared to the others. Representing the youth and the children.

Lastly you get to see the snow covered mountains that are just lying dead inside the snow blanket not interested in any stories..just plainly literally cold in every sense.

One thing that they all have in common is that there were men who fought for these mountains and died. Its a matter of no pity, since I know the lives spent on this land were the lives worth spent. The place is seriously to die for.

5-AMS (Acute mountain sickness)

One thing that 75% people not plan to experience in Ladakh is AMS.

When you plan a trip and pack a bag for Ladakh you should better do your research about the place..pack a few medicines? Not only it has the highest motor-able roads in the world but the Leh city sits at the altitude of 11562 ft above ground level. Traveling by road is most serene but it can be tiring..(Specially on bikes).So we had planned the trip through air..Saves time but gives higher chances of acute mountain sickness. Your body just shoots into such high altitude and it’s bound to react to the changes. There are most severe symptoms (Google it) but thankfully I had mild variety of them. Usually your ears just shut down..in my case one was still working. Your Head might play with your brain inside your skull like a football. Your insides will dry up and your boogers will get mummified and you realize the worth of vitamin C tablets first time in your life. Lastly and most deadly you might not be able to breathe. If you are as fortunate as I wasn’t you would not suffer the worst asthmatic phase of your life just around the time you have booked your tickets for Ladakh. One puff from the well timed prescribed inhaler and Voila! Good as new. :]

(Diamox)

Besides all the dark sarcasm..do discuss it with your doc and if the doc himself is vacationing somewhere..Get Diamox 24 hours before being in Ladakh. It slows your system down and gives your body a chance for more oxygen. In the end all the trouble taken..it’s absolutely fine if it gives you back this hell of an experience.

6-Never ending Smiling faces

It’s always exciting to see new faces..But what a beautiful feeling it is to find most of them smiling back at you. Sometimes it’s just mutual understanding of the tranquility in Ladakh and sometimes it’s a beginning of a delightful friendship.

There are children smiling at you playing beside the river streams while their mothers are working on the roads..And the wider more beautiful smile of catching the sparkling wrapper of a chocolate and getting to have it from the tourists. People from Spain, Italy, Israel, Germany and the rest of the world sitting at cafe’s waiting for their hot coffees giving you smiles or a smile from a man sitting 13000 ft above the ground in a monastery compound reading this book and letting you click his pictures. Monks giving you smiles through their broken teeth. Smiles from the army people on roads..Drivers..Shopkeepers..Waiters..Restaurant owners..The hotel receptionist..The lady who scans your stuff on the airport and the lady who sits knitting something in the warm sunlight. Everyone smiles.

Ladakh is known as a land of monasteries but I would actually second name it the land of smiles.

(Smiling Faces in Ladakh)

7-Nubra Valley

No Over-exaggerations.

Desert-ish sand dunes surrounded by old pale yellow mountains..River streams flowing till forever..Wild birds all around bathing in the heavenly wind..Mountain goats and horses left to munch over the crisp green grass fields..Oasis decorated with rocks peeking out of the sand dunes..Monks riding Royal Enfields? Have you ever seen everything in one place?

(Monk riding Royal Enfield)

We traveled to Nubra in our last days of the trip and I had presumed that it’s just a picnic spot where people go for camel rides. I couldn’t have been more unaware. Nubra is a piece of heaven. Something of a peak into the limitless creativity of Almighty.

The Valley changes the colors under the sunlight at different times in the day…and the most attentive minds would give in and get lost in Nubra. I had spent so much time staring..Standing at just one spot trying to absorb the picture of Nubra…but I still remember it in pieces.

Upon the valley is the long road piercing through the sand made plains welcoming you into the mountain heights of Nubra. It is called 'Lambeh' simply meaning 'long'.I saw a tradition in Buddhists of keeping stones over stones at places where they wanted their soul to rest after their demise. If I was a believer I would have made the strongest stone pile at Lambeh.

(The Long stretch of Lambeh)

8-Stones

Talking of stones..I have been collecting stones from different places since a long time. But it’s at the shores of Zanskar River, The small ponds throughout Ladakh and at the Pangong Lake I found that I was actually passionate about it.

I saw uncountable colors of stones..colors that are not even named yet. Lying on mountains like moles and frantically flowing on the river beaches in the competition to be picked. Mustafa Bhai gifted me few stones after he saw me hunting and picking the interesting ones. I don’t understand if it’s due to the chemical compounds of the earth or the magnificence of the Ladakhi land. I managed to collect 7 different colors..And felt really high looking at them. It’s a pity that these beauties don’t survive being somewhere else then their natural habitat..which is under the uniqueness of the waters that they were picked from..Most of them changed colors and turned pale. But I ill have them for a long time as a token.

(My collection of stones)

9-Solitude

I am a very strong mind. I have thoughts..Not subtle but violent thoughts..It’s like I scan the aggressiveness out of everything and rely on it. Pessimism, Negativity…it’s all alluring. The fact that I belong to a city where people curse more than smile…I completely fit in.But I have always longed for a simpler quieter me..A simpler quieter place to be. My life wholly depends on my ideas and the satisfaction of understanding them and being able to express. I also almost never complain of boredom..Because I have too many thoughts that I need to preserve.

Breathing the air of Ladakh I had a rush of solitude. It’s much like the adrenaline rush..Just the opposite in nature. It wasn’t a moment but it was a good 10 days of a journey with solitude. I reached Ladakh wanting to see something new..And stayed there experiencing the eternal peace of being..Just existing within myself. The feeling of having THAT is ultimate. Nothing provided me the solitude that Ladakh had. I doubt anything ever will.

(11000 ft above the ground..in search of Solitude)

10-Inspiration

Inspiration is not always for talent. It is a requirement for every human being.

For the Monks in Ladakh, to survive in one of the coldest places and be secluded from rest of the world you need inspiration. They have it in the form of Religion.

For the bike riders, to ride about 1075 kms on a bike from Delhi to Leh..You definitely need it. They have it in the form of achievement.

For Photographers, to be out in the coldest night to catch a star trail on your lens or to stop your car thousand times without fearing to be labeled as a maniac you need inspiration too. They have it as talent.

Or for me, to relax and shake awake the word crazy person inside me I needed inspiration..I had it in the form of the beauty of Ladakh.

I did not need a camera in Ladakh to go click click..Because I had a mind that completely went blah blah. For a change it was not poetry but thoughts. So I shared them..Hoping that you feel inspired to visit Ladakh after reading. Everyone should..Once.

-Gb-